Saturday, May 24, 2014

Are you a Complan Girl?


*disclaimer* 
 Respected Complan people, the post in no way tries to take a dig at you. I promise, kids still trust you more  than their genes. They love "I am a complan boy". I love it too. So please drop the plan if you are thinking to  sue me.



To everyone who has asked me that question and to those who are intending to,

My height. Believe me, it’s nothing extraordinary. I merely stand at 5’8”.But the world around me refuses to let me live in peace with that. Okay, your daughter isn’t as tall, so that’s your bad you didn’t marry some Tall, Dark and Handsome uncle leaving that potbellied caricature kind of husband of yours. That doesn’t mean you leave your girl after me poking me with tips to reach my level. As if she really has the talent B-). Be happy with what you are kid. You look awesome that way (Grrr...I wonder how many girls I have lied to with that)

People around tell me I should be proud of my height. Really? What have I actually done to achieve that? For God’s sake, stop patting me for something that’s inherited. It does me no good. Okay, you think it’s a rare sight. Cool. Say a word or two, and please leave. I am in no mood to lay out my diet chart for you. When I retort like that, I know there are people mumbling curses for me and planning on what all spices to add and go demean me among others starting with how much pride I take in being tall. Well, in that case *knock knock* I didn’t even care about it till the time you parted your lips just to say “Hey Bhagwan! Kitni lambi hai!”. Arey isme bhagwan ki kya galti!

There have been instances when I have been so ready to just land a punch on some people’s face. But obviously, I can’t do that, because one, they mistake me to be generous and willing to answer their height queries, and two, most of the time they are relatives I am supposed to respect (I just hope none of them is reading this :-S). Along with annoyance, it also invites embarrassment. It all started when during my childhood, I used to stand taller than my brother, who’s actually a year elder. And as it is some unsaid rule, I was merrily assumed to be the elder one. In fact, during one such incident, to get an entry in to a fort, I was charged a ticket but he wasn’t. Do I need to say more?  Thank goodness, it was soon discovered he had some medical problem, and now, phew! He’s a level up. One problem solved, but what to do with the aunties and uncles who shoot arrows at me, every time I am forced to face them, with their seemingly favourite line “Ladka dhoondhne mein bohot problem hogi”, followed by a “Khi khi khi”. I really want to tell them aloud that we’ll find a match for me, just the way you’ll find one for your fat-nosed and makeup advertising daughter. Instead I just reply with a “Main khud dhoondh loongi aunty, aap pareshaan na hon”, obviously followed by a fake smile.

Fine, they can be forgiven, after all they need something to start their gossips, right? But what to do with those bunch of morons in restaurants, parks and outside the university gate, who get into this serious discussion on whether I look like Deepika or Anushka. Dump them in a bin, or directly kill them? And also those juniors, who come up to me with the question “Di, do you have this book?”, and end the conversation with, “Di, what’s your height?”, and that too when she herself is just an inch or two down. Some approach just to ask that.  Great! I am not giving you the book. And yet another type of bugs are those who find it really funny asking, "Can't you just lend me a bit your height?". Believe me, it's not funny. NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Why, o, why?
(Source: Google)

No, no, my tall-tale doesn't end here. Don’t you want to greet the loveliest people of my life, who are the sole ones highly concerned about me? Well then, they are my classmates (and even few friends -_-), from junior school to college, who think I am wasting my time studying Psychology and trying to be Writer, when instead I should be pouting and blowing kisses to people I don’t even give a heck to, that is, join modelling. Now, don’t get me wrong there. I really appreciate models, for all the patience and vigor they carry. But you can’t be advising every other person who according to you carries an alien height, to shed everything and walk the ramp. And by the way, whom are they even suggesting that! Someone, who can put even a drunkard to shame, courtesy her walk,  and who is an enviable talent when it comes to sporting a Fashion Disaster. So unless and until you don’t want the stage to be set on a literal fire, save your preaching for someone worthy. And don’t worry, in case if I ever accidentally walk down the ramp, I won’t forget giving a sentimental speech equaling  my height, thanking you all for the encouragements you sent my way while bitching about me in your hostel rooms.




Exactly!
(Source: Google)


Till the time I come up with my list on 'What all it takes to stand tall',

The Bournvita girl, now and forever.






21 comments:

  1. Oh HAHAH!!! Wait, you're really 5'8? :O COOL :D
    Loved how you want to tell people it's not something you really did to achieve. Super-loved the way you wrote this. Witty and fun to read. :D

    PS- You're getting awesomer at expressing yourself ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not cool, always :/

      You loved it? Thank you! :D I am loving your comments :P

      Delete
  2. OH PLEEEJ STOP IT!!! :P
    I am 5'2 and I take offence. Okie..give me your height!! ENOUGH SAID!!!

    I have heard the 'LADKA DHOONDHNEME' problem hogi thing....I know it sucks! But more time being single! yay!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Though I have reached a point that I'll start chopping off either myself or people who want a bit of my height, I'll consider your case. That's because you hould know I am your fan ^_^. Okay, so 3 inches are good na? That way we'll stand equal. :P

      And yes, that line sucks big time -_-

      Delete
  3. You tall tall girl.
    But whoa, 5'8". An inch taller than me. Not cool. :-|
    And what happens if you wear heals?? I am never standing beside you, ever. :P

    P.S. Awesome post. So, a tall writer, did I get it right ? And psychology major too. What else can a guy want? :P Don't worry, you will get a lot of 'ladkas', I mean if you want to get married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of my brothers is your height. And ehem, he doesn't like me beside him. So, you know :P

      P.S.: I can't even stand in heels :P

      Delete
  4. Wow..deepika and anushka..great!!! Well I share the same height and all I have got is awkward stares from everyone. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deepika and Anushka, just for the height. Otherwise, I empathize with you. Sigh. But anyway, I am glad to know I have company here :D

      Delete
  5. Hi-fi - and a tight saaammmmeee pinch for the same height. I know how it feels right?

    The bestest part was when my cousin with whom I play the most introduced me to her best friend saying She is my Dee... don't go by her height she is not that old. She just had too much of bournvita :D

    I so so relate to all this BS and yet it made me smile as I read yours for somewhere I believed I am not alone... **sigh**

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Happens with me, but no one gives the clarification. I was assumed to be a college student, when I was still in 8th or 9th :(

      Delete
  6. Now this is a 'tall' problem, but a post that promises a good 'heightened' amusement :-p Loved reading it buddy :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Okay right now I am so jealous of you and being 5'2 I have every right to be jealous. And that ladke dhondne waali thing is so common to every height,weight,region in India.

    Read me here: http://wingardiumleviosaaa.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You really don't need to be jealous. Trust me :/ And besides, I guess you can always look your best with whatever height you have.

      Thanks for stopping by :)

      Delete
  8. If only people could understand that it's nothing that you've done and that there's nothing you can do about it. :-)

    But I don't understand why everyone expects that the boy should be taller than the girl. Is there some logic to it ? Actually you should ask this to the people who give you that silly dialogue about having problems finding a suitable boy. Then see how they respond.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a stereotypical view. Tall boy, short girl.
      And I admit, even I like the same...but am not against anything different. We are free humans, and we should be let free to live our life. Isn't it?

      Thank you for the comment :)

      Delete
  9. Hahaha.. I am 5'6" and I get to hear some of these things. I can only imagine your plight :P

    ReplyDelete
  10. Irritating, isn't it? Society! -_-

    Thanks for stopping by. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. merely 5"8"!! haha! That is a really good height! I was crazy about height when i was in my teenage.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe. Sad, I never felt the craze :(

      Thanks a lot for stopping by. :)

      Delete
  12. 5' 8'' is a good height no doubt..:) and you should be proud of that .... kuch to log kahenge... logon ka kam hai kehna

    ReplyDelete