Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Sunshine of our Life


A smile that spoke volumes, filled with sheer innocence and a kiddish charm. A quivering voice that had probably sung most of the lullabies for us. Sagging skin, that was the matter of my great interest since the time I could remember, as I played with it as a little kid. Eyes, though grown weak with age, always keen to learn new things. Fragile hands, showing off clear signs of years of ageing but still willing to do the most they could- This is how I’ll always remember her, my Nani.

Losing her has come as a jolt to me, something that is taking its own big time to get settled. This, in true sense, is the first time I’ve lost someone so close to me. And it hurts. It’s been more than two weeks, and even when life is falling back in to the shell, it isn’t always that easy, is it? Sure, voices around say that she had aged that much and these are things we can’t control. Then, fairly enough, even this- what I’m feeling -can’t be controlled, so I shouldn’t be stopped, right? It’s not just plain mourning, as there is this tinge of regret of not having that last talk with her, just two days before she left us. I regret for not being able to continue after that “Hello...” before someone took away the phone from her. We hadn’t had a good talk in months. Even around my birthday, she wasn’t doing well, and couldn’t speak properly. And it’s not that we had these regular talks on phone, but now when I come to think of it, I wish we had!

Having her in my life was like a habit, much like having others, from mum-dad to my close friends. Death was something to be never imagined. And just when I was thanking my stars for no villains in my life, life itself decided to play the villain. But there is one good thing to this- no regrets for never loving her enough. I hope she knew, her kiddos loved her from their hearts’ core. And as I move on, I know I’ll do that forever. And I’ll also cry, as and when I wish ‘cause her memories deserve that. I’ll cry remembering that cute smile and wishing that I could cuddle her. I’ll cry as I play her songs and wish to play with her sagging skin. I’ll cry holding her crafts and remembering how much she loved all of it. And I’ll cry as I wish the sunshine of our life had shone a little more.


In the sweet little memories of my sweetheart, I wish she rests in peace. 

12 comments:

  1. And that's why it's called life. May her soul rest in peace.
    p.s you have a really nice space here. I am your new fan :)


    Read me here: http://wingardiumleviosaaa.blogspot.in/

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    1. Hey, thanks for that. :)

      And thanks for stopping by.

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  2. I had lost my lovely grandma too at n early age....Your words remind me of her... Poignant! <3

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  3. Touching... and beautifully written. I had goosebumps as I read this <3

    Hugs dear, may her soul rest in peace.

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    1. I had that while reading.
      I miss her! :(

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  4. Kukki this is called life cycle...we get hurt most when we loose one whom we love most. As I told you it's like falling of old leaves and you people...her 3rd generation are like new leaves. Just think how many leaves are there in your generation like replicas of your nani.

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    1. Yeah Papa. I understand. It's just that watching her gone was very painful for me..and each one of us. :/

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  5. First of all, my deepest condolences for the loss which cannot be measured.

    I can relate to what you must be going through as I have been through the same. My Nani was the person who was closest to me while growing up. When I was a kid, my parents would drop me off at my Mom's parents home before leaving for work. So, you can imagine how close I must have been to my Nani & Nana. And they were the most wonderful people I have ever known in my life. I am what I am because of them.

    In 2008, I lost my Nani after she fell ill. She spent her last few days in the hospital where I would be by her side all day. I was holding her hand when she finally closed her eyes. One thing I'll always be thankful for that I got a chance to look after her during those days.

    I'll just say that our Nanis have left such beautiful memories for us that we can remember them for ever. And somewhere from above they are always looking over us. And as always, they will be happy to see us happy. So I suggest, you should smile when you remember her because it would make her sad to see you crying.

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    1. I do smile, in fact laugh, 'cause most of her memories are all so lively. She was one high-on-will and cute person. But you know, when you cry for someone, it defines the love you have got for the person. And I am glad I have her as my Nani. :)

      Thank you so much for your words. They mean a lot. :)

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  6. Finally you described the pain of your heart.And I think ,you must be feeling good :)
    And this loss for you ,I know ,was a big loss .How many times I have told you that you look exactly like your nani.

    That's why I will steal few words of uncle.You are the third generation replica of your nani,I don't know much but I feel so .

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  7. Good or not, I had to write it down.
    And that makes me smile with pride, when you say I look like her. That's nothing short of an achievement.

    Thanks for being there :*

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