A smile that spoke volumes, filled with sheer innocence and a kiddish charm. A quivering voice that had probably sung most of the lullabies for us. Sagging skin, that was the matter of my great interest since the time I could remember, as I played with it as a little kid. Eyes, though grown weak with age, always keen to learn new things. Fragile hands, showing off clear signs of years of ageing but still willing to do the most they could- This is how I’ll always remember her, my Nani.
Losing her has come as a jolt to me, something that is taking its own big time to get settled. This, in true sense, is the first time I’ve lost someone so close to me. And it hurts. It’s been more than two weeks, and even when life is falling back in to the shell, it isn’t always that easy, is it? Sure, voices around say that she had aged that much and these are things we can’t control. Then, fairly enough, even this- what I’m feeling -can’t be controlled, so I shouldn’t be stopped, right? It’s not just plain mourning, as there is this tinge of regret of not having that last talk with her, just two days before she left us. I regret for not being able to continue after that “Hello...” before someone took away the phone from her. We hadn’t had a good talk in months. Even around my birthday, she wasn’t doing well, and couldn’t speak properly. And it’s not that we had these regular talks on phone, but now when I come to think of it, I wish we had!
Having her in my life was like a habit, much like having others, from mum-dad to my close friends. Death was something to be never imagined. And just when I was thanking my stars for no villains in my life, life itself decided to play the villain. But there is one good thing to this- no regrets for never loving her enough. I hope she knew, her kiddos loved her from their hearts’ core. And as I move on, I know I’ll do that forever. And I’ll also cry, as and when I wish ‘cause her memories deserve that. I’ll cry remembering that cute smile and wishing that I could cuddle her. I’ll cry as I play her songs and wish to play with her sagging skin. I’ll cry holding her crafts and remembering how much she loved all of it. And I’ll cry as I wish the sunshine of our life had shone a little more.
In the sweet little memories of my sweetheart, I wish she rests in peace.