Saturday, February 23, 2013

My Love!

You have always been my favorite! Favorite among any oldies I know….or for that matter, closest to my heart  after Mum. After all, it’s all because of you that I have her in my life, and all because of her, you have me in your life ;)

I still remember, and can never let it omit my senses, the days I used to spend at my Nani’s place, as a child. I guess every person has some equally cherishing memories attached to such childhood visits. My Nani is one, I can’t help but fall in love with, every time we meet. This time she came to stay with us, it was for 4 months!...and even if it was 4 years, it would have nonetheless seemed a tiny span. 
Though, like always we had our pretty big share of arguments-over hell lot of things, (this time it was over the age of marriage :/)- just one smile on that alluring face, and I felt over content!. It was in past December, that she suffered an uncalled for attack, with fluctuating blood pressure and sugar levels. Those two weeks were the extremely tormenting and sluggish ones for us. Watching her fighting such a critical state, was something we never ever dreamt of. I reminisce how much we hated her silence, as speaking is her necessity. Just hop on beside her, and she’ll take you to all those places she has ever lived in, or visited, talking of a garden here, and a pond there, that neighbor who was like a brother, or that girl who had no mother. I admit, at times I would get bored when I was short of links to connect the stories, but it were her chats that kept the house moving :D.

 It was adorable, how every time we told her, we are going to click her pic, she would quickly choose her best pose, set the saree right, and signal us to start. Haha! My sweetheart!
And I tell you a secret, she has a boyfriend!..hehe…my elder brother! :D. "Aal Izz Well, Girlfriend?” is what he always asks her, and she replies with a cutely funny “Aal Inz Wale” :D

Her love for some special  dishes, dislike for others, sweet memories of Nanu, anddd eventful songs she composes, are certainties of her lovable persona. She makes me realize how important grandparents are, and shame on all who disregard them. A little time and patience from your side is all they silently ask for. Love them.

Now, when Nani has gone back, I miss her and all the antics she propagated, like a small child. She was and will always remain one of the loves of my life!    

 P.S.: I am too bad at giving post titles, and you have already seen the trailer. Sorry!

Thank-You for the visit! :)

*Your good luck, you won't be reading much from me till April (stop dancing now! I'll be back with more such blabbers! :P)*


Monday, February 18, 2013

Only Me

Amazing Day!

Never had I experienced rain in winters. But now that’s a past. I did.

Recalling several events since the time I finished with high school, I have tried upon many things which though are petty but always barricaded me from entry. Since ages, I have been a soft spoken, sober and staying-within-the-limits kind of a girl. I feared breaking any rule- err...which I still do!- and stepping on the less taken path. Till about 2-3 years back, I bored a high level of dependence on my family, particularly the eldest of my elder brothers, for nearly everything. Even going up to a store and asking for a sachet of coffee required assimilating all the courage I ever had, and literally revising what to speak at the counter. Make me face a stranger (especially a guy) and all I would do is fumble with words, or sculpt into Monalisa. Placing an order on phone, or booking tickets, too seemed a heavy task.
To summarize, I was a tender, petrified, and not to forget, a sluggish lad, who hated being that!

It was in 11th that I switched from a public school to a Govt. one, partially aware of the situations awaiting me, and totally unprepared for them. You can guess the drastic change from a spoon-fed scenario to being a self-dependent one. There were times, in the very initial days when I was served with news of girls bitching at my back. In fact, on my very first day, I came home crying and wanted to withdraw my admission as I found the environment too frenzy and the students, a bit ill behaved and incorrigible. After days of unsuccessful arguments with Dad, realization dawned upon me- “This place is your truth for the next two years, love!”. I cursed myself for having decided to take up Arts, which led me to that school.
But the suffering paid off shockingly well. By the end of my term, in that all-girls school, I discovered the till then shadowed part of me. For the first time I held mike, on stage! I jumped down to host the New Talent Show, in the second month, when it registered to me, that I have no other talent to showcase :D. Regardless of how funny my get up promised to make me look, I agreed for a role in the school documentary. I volunteered to anchor our annual function, ignoring the fact that I am worth organizing a tomatina festival at stage. Fortunately, there were just claps :D. I finally got to score 90+ in two major (mind it! Board!) papers. Thus, no matter how agitated I feel, and will continue to feel, with the mention of the school, nothing helps me deny the fact that it did a great deal in carving out a different me. With time I accepted that I’ve grown up and that growing up brings it’s own set of responsibilities.

And now, when I am in college, I believe I’ve evolved a lot. I don’t hesitate talking to random people (not that much). I can enter any place with a storm. I love arguing with storekeepers bad mouthing Mum. I rush through the jammed streets valiantly bickering with the Autowalas.
I have gradually started getting over my angst that hitherto held me back from venturing into new rings (Courtesy: Discover Your Destiny-book). And getting rain drenched in winters was one such adventure for me! :D. Lately, it struck me that following should not be the trend, confirm your own uniqueness.
 I am giving time to my eternal loves- Reading & Writing, and a new addi(c)tion, Photography. After several “uh! I am bad at it”, I lastly graced this blog with few posts (You believe, I created it back in 2010! ), all thanks to few simple yet miraculous words from the superbly excellent writer- Ashna (Smile please! :) ) 
(My recent clicks)

So this is me, who at present is hating her college with pure determination, from every nook and corner of her heart, but trying to live and love life outside it, sewing her own identification.

Bah! I know, I know....another post to prove my psychological sickness, but I was having an itching hand since past few days, urging me to write something. And so, the wintry monsoon on Saturday played a savior.
Thank-you, for stopping by. :)


Tuesday, February 12, 2013


*Disclaimer*: Its one of those posts I write in pissed off moods. So you aren’t going to find anything worth giving a read. Scroll down complete at your own risk. And, all my upcoming outbursts are more or less going to follow the same topics as this one, so with this you get a plot of many of my future posts and an alarm to save your time.

Stressed. Frustrated. Disturbed. Broken. Helpless.
Pick up any word and it describes my state best.
The world suddenly seems upside-down. Wait. No! Actually, that would be an over evaluation. Even being upside-down gives kind of a tickling and humorous feeling. A better description is- I am all shattered and scattered- Mentally!
Gradually I am getting the meaning of ‘my-life-is-finished’….at least to the level of why people use this phrase. In the past two months, I’ve done mistakes- the horrendous but usual ones, and have landed myself into a hurt-ful, pain-ful and all such damn things-ful situation. Precisely, I wrecked my very first semester at this wretched college. And the fact that makes it mandatory for me to dilute myself in shame is that I had full one month (even more!) before the exams actually started.
Got to see my first papers some 2 days back anndd…as soon as my eyes fell on the scores- THUMP!....It was a harder than hard blow on my face! It wasn’t just because those figure were less but because it was the one and only subject that allowed me to enjoy some satisfaction as I left the exam hall. It was Psychology, the subject I fell in love with two years back, and it ditched me!
And with this, all those minimal hopes of maintaining an average position in the results have taken the seat  behind the back seat. I know I can’t blame anyone and it stings deeper when you yourself emerge as the sole reason for your failure. Its obvious that when I’ll vent it out in front of people close to me, they will all follow the ritual- “You’ll do much better next time”, “College mein aise hi marks milte hain”, “It was just the first sem!” and Blah. Blah. Blah. The only true ones (in this case, mum) are those who make me stand face to face with the reality, i.e. “Kisne mana kia tha padhne ko?” . And like always, mum, you are right. But I really hoped a lot from this one L I did good, really! L
You kind of want to bury yourself in an utterly dark pit, when there are some specific people who expect a lot from you, but you shamelessly lag far behind. Either they should put an end to it or I should (have to) make a new start.

Humph! Yet again I am all cry-cry-cry! :/ But by record, it was for the first time that I really felt the need to be left alone (shocking! Considering the “not affected by any situation” blabber queen I am) and slept for more than 12 hours once I was back home that day :o It didn’t help , though.
Lately, I have also let this inferiority complex creep into me, and am constantly nudged with a sense of intellectual backwardness. ANYone, even with a just a mark or two ahead, seems to be poking her tongue out at me. (And can you imagine…I just spelt ‘tongue’ wrong?)

It doesn’t end here. Not so soon. I am having an equally bad time personally, something other than academics (which is by the way, a perennial sucker) which had a profound participation in ruffling my focus all these months :/. And I can bet over my….umm… brain, that it’s not gonna end anytime sooner.
With the second sem exams just 2 months away, I have no other option than to be unbearably anxious because I wholeheartedly want to do well. Though I have made numerous unrealistic promises about this one (to myself), I doubt their fulfillment.
Pray for a tinge of FOCUS to somehow make way into my life. 

With new hopes, but loads of guilt and stress and worries and hopes again,


Saturday, February 2, 2013

Short Fiction

Once again I tilted my head to the parallel seat in the bus. He was was still staring at me and had been doing that for the past 15 minutes.
We were complete Strangers! But he was cute and I couldn't help but smile this time, pecking him on his cheek. He was playing with my hair.
As I got down at my stop, I saw him 'babbling' to his mum and now playing with her hair, and waved him a goodbye.

This post is in line with the '55 Fiction' column, which I read on a fellow blogger, the "amazingly awesome" AaeKay's blog. But its not entirely a "55" fiction as I can't stay within limits :P and so I renamed the title.
I hope you found it good.

Thanks for stopping by! :)