Monday, December 24, 2012

I CRY!




It was just the other day when out of my usual habit of 'pretending' to study, I was sitting with the book open but my mind hanging around with some of my weirdest thoughts, and then it struck- Why/When do we cry? And suddenly I started recalling weeping faces of all my near ones. Contradictory to what I had thought, in this course, I even remembered my DAD with a welled up look!
Being a little to myself, I just thought of considering this whole "uuuaaan"(crying) business:
I have got this technical fault within me that often averts me from crying 'just' at the right moment. Yeah! Seriously! I can recollect an incident of about an year ago. We had lost a gem of a teacher from my high school who, though she never taught me, was always a sweetheart to me (you are truly missed ma'am :-{ )
It felt so mortifying when I just couldn't gather a single tear even after seeing her in that condition. I deeply hated myself then. Perhaps I was way too much in a trauma as none of us could dare to believe that she had left us. But still, I hated myself! (I am sorry ma'am for appearing so lagged behind in emotions).
But then the repairing of these faults starts when it's actually the time to move on. That is when past memories  decide to take a troll in my mind and I can't help but weep like I have vowed not to stop, at the wrong place and in front of the wrong people.
Then there are people I know who cry watching movies. I match up to them only till the scene portrays a mother-child bonding ('Taare Zameen Par') , or to the most talks about how the male lead gets to know about his beau's terminal illness ('A Walk To Remember' ^_^). But when it comes to mushy romantic scenes, when the guy is proposing 'his' girl (God knows who started this ritual of getting down on the knees) and the flashback of all their ‘together’ moments playing along, I can’t help but smirk and yawn. For that matter, I am yet to discover what makes some fatheads to drizzle when their favorite actor is enjoying scripted punches on screen!
And then I find it utterly difficult to waste my ‘oh-so-precious’ tears on spotting a pimple on my not so gorgeous face, and more difficult when I gain a ‘slight’ injury. Instead I laugh when hurt! Ha! (yea-yea, I know that’s weird!).
But, in no sense the above details state that I can’t or I don’t cry. I do. I CRY, when my ‘elder’ brothers just can’t stop with their routine antics. I CRY, when Mum at the very end moment backs off from buying me the stuff  I’d been drooling over for months! I CRY, when the deadline’s nearing and I am still juggling between the type of the cover page that would suit my assignment. I CRY, when I, myself walk up to the end of the cliff and helplessly am unable to decide whether to step forward or back off. I CRY, when I can’t find  any of my gifts ever received (actually the ones I love). I CRY, when Mum gives away my dearly collected treasures to ANYone. I CRY, when I forget to switch off the pump set and an infinite amount of water gets wasted (err…that’s ME!). I CRY, when my mind decides to take a reverse gear to the times when life was so unraveled and simple, when ‘tasks’ just referred to a small essay on ‘My Mother’. I CRY, when I spill out lines that I never thought of using with Mum (read: mother-daughter arguments :/).
And I CRY, when I give a thought to the filthy paint covering our society, compelling me to think how unsafe we are, how independence is losing its recognition. And then all I can do is CRY!


It was nothing but an attempt to give my feelings within, a readable format.Hope it didn’t succeed in boring you ;-) 





4 comments:

  1. Hey Srishti! I feel this post is something that's so 'relatable' for me at least. Love the simplicity and the way your words easily make the reader feels the emotions. :)

    There's nothing wrong in not reacting or crying just when everyone does. I believe it's a personal thing, what do you say? And ooh! Those movies, I know what you mean, we're similar in that aspect :) Though yes, I did find the water-motor thing funny :P sorry!

    Keep Writing! Looking forward to a lot more from you :)

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    1. :) Thanx Ashna! This meant a lot more than a lot to me.
      Yup, I agree there's nothing wrong in that...but on that particular incident, it did made me feel embarassed.
      The water-motor thing :D Actually am a sort of conservationist...just 'sort' of :D

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  2. its alr8 swthrt if u cant cry at d r8 moment infrnt of r8 ppul, dat s y v r humans,nt god..... v all commit miatakes.... n dat mother-daughter argument, dats so natural u knw.... i mean i bet evry gal shares dat moment wid u.... dnt cry 4 assignments cover page though,u cn always cum up n consult wid ppul.... i undrstnd dat seniors m8 b boring sumtyms bt u need 2 bear dat... ;-)
    othr dan dat, crying s essential....
    i luved d way u write darling,....
    do keep writing.....

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    1. Thanx Di! :)
      We always have the matter with us...but choose to work on it on the last day...or better say...few hours before the submission date (lazy us) ;) n u guys aren't boring..not at all! :)

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